"Common ground begins and ends with just being present with each other."

"Never compare yourself to anyone, cause no one can compare to you."

12

September

2 notes

12

September

musicbloge:

Sam Smith - I’m Not the Only One

12

September

122 plays

339 notes

This audio was reblogged from musicbloge and originally by musicbloge.

12

September

B A L A N C E.

To me, it’s crazy, it’s mind-boggling, it’s an emotional roller coaster of goods and bads, things that negate each other, or things that need each other simultaneously. Trying to maintain a balanced mind and well being is the most difficult but rewarding thing in life.

I know I probably overthink a lot of things but I’ve accepted that quality about myself and I realized it’s something that drives me.

But anyways, the balance I’m working on currently is my emotional joys and burdens of my life.

Today, my mother is sick with a fever and has a horrible head throbbing pain. It makes me feel like time is running out. Time is running out for me to graduate, and get a sustaining higher paying job in order to relieve or replace the financial duties of my family, that only my mother is doing to support the house. In other words, she is the only provider paying for the bills. And my brother and I have racked up too many “bills” or other miscellaneous payments which I feel so bad for. I just want to help. I wish my dad would help wait on her hand for whatever she needed. but no, he’s just chillin watching random videos.

My aunt moved back in our group of houses the other day too. This is one of the older sisters my mother has that initiated the immigration of my whole family to America a long time ago. So basically she came back to the house she first ever owned. I don’t know fully what happened or why she came back. There was no complete explanation. But this is the other immediate family that hasn’t talked to us in years, the family that ignored our Christmas presents and phone calls, and just decided to omit us from their daily lives. Well, now she’s back cause she has arguments with her son whom she was previously living with. I guess we’re influenced to ignore it like there is no issue but it doesn’t change the fact that she left us hanging before.

I’m trying to look at it positively. Hopefully my family will start to come back for celebrations or just to spend time with us because right now some of the members are lonely. We don’t celebrate things anymore like we used to, but maybe this situation could change that.

Another thing I’ve noticed is that one of my little cousins is very lonely. Her mother works all day and her stupid father is still immature and goes out to hang out with his buddies doing who knows what, instead of spending time with his daughter. You could tell she craves the attention of someone who cares to spend time with her. She’s still young and gets bored but there is no consistent figure for her. But that seems pretty common among most young adolescents. It’s just her questions that really show the longing for someone to just simply play with her. That’s all kids want to do, and she isn’t being provided that emotional comfort. But then there comes my role of being the older cousin and babysitter.

And these are just the minor sad things. Don’t get me wrong. I have things to be happy about too.

So far, my schedule for both jobs is starting to work out. I’m sleep deprived but that’s only because it’s my personal choice to not sleep and do other things which I have no one else to blame but myself. The productivity makes me super happy. Summer is fun and all, but sitting around doing nothing makes me antsy and depressed.

I also had my first coworker outing from my new job. They were awesome, one of the guys had a really nice big house to gather everyone and we all did yoga and went swimming for a bit there. The thing that I like is that they were all older than me and mainly in their 30s, so I was able to have a great conversation with the owner of the house on what advice to listen to by the time I get to their age. I love asking people that. It’s kind of my way to try to avoid those mistakes that are sometimes better knowing now than later.

I’ve managed to still have a social life among this crazy chaos of my schedule. And I’m still trying to balance it out. I just know in my heart I want this, and I want to make everything work. Hence my drive to also go back to dance is resurfacing. it’s just hard to remember self-care and to remember to give my mind and body some rest.

My internship went well too. I got my own first desk which was awesome! I get to personalize it to my liking and my supervisor is even making me business cards which is so exciting. The tasks of the internship are pretty intimidating because I’m going to have one-on-ones with these kids that may be in emotional danger or harm, but the end product will be the most rewarding. It’s definitely scary but it’ll be a great challenge to grow from.

I’ve maintained contact with my closest friends, I’m building or rebuilding a relationship with people I care about, and I’m meeting more people which is all a part of my usual. Today, I got a haircut which brought some confidence back in my appearance and self-esteem. I was feeling a little ugly prior to my haircut. But today I feel good and pretty which is a plus.

But yeah, I feel the lows and the highs for sure. The days will turn out to be the good ones and the bad ones but I’m hoping my mentality always brings me back up. So far, I’m doing okay. In the end, I realized it’s all just trying to maintain that balance which ironically is the sign of my horoscope, the Libra, and a scale.

I’ll take you to the coffee shop

I think I wanna make a coffee date every other month when I can by myself to just sit for a good hour or so observing people. I love it. It intrigues me so much. All the characters, the stories, the mystery of who someone is and why they do what they do.

This could be my release when the school semester gets stressful later.

Coffee shops are definitely for the win <3.

12

September

1 note

#Sept.12.14

I’m overwhelmed with time. It really feels like there isn’t enough time to pursue numerous things. And I can understand with that comes the learning of patience and prioritizing, and especially sacrifice. But can a girl dream and aspire forever?

Last night made me almost cry. It was the realization that I had to make my decision by the first week of September like I said I would. That decision involved whether or not I would return to dance. And well I’ve mainly already made my decision. I can’t for right now. And internally I do still want to come back. But being an adult requires being more financially stable and being more connected with my family, so those are my main two goals. So I’m putting dance on hold. It’s just so damn hard when they are my family too and this is where my release is, my happiness is, my balance. I just didn’t want fear or comfortability to keep me in one place. And I decided dance was not gonna be my career either. With that said, I can understand that with risks and sacrifice it can help bring me to a new place in life to grow. And honestly it’s time for me to stop being a kid. I want to make my parents proud. I want to be financially independent so that I can give back and also fend for myself. I also need to rebuild a relationship with my family before I get to thirty and don’t have any memories with my family all because I’ve neglected them. Which I have done way too much. I can be honest with myself that I gave so much time to other people and friends that I forgot about having my own personal time and time with family. I think I had the epiphany the other day that I’ve neglected my family because we didn’t feel like one anymore, that I made my friends my family instead. Don’t get me wrong it’s not a completely horrible thing, but if something is broken, why not try fixing it before you replace it?

With time comes balance, I can hope for. I know most things can be temporary. But my fear of being stressed with this new busy schedule is already aggravating me. I want to make everything work. I really do.

Even Derek had made a point a while ago. He said it’s you, you make time for whatever you want to make time for. And that stuck in my mind, because it’s true. I have the willpower to choose what to do. But right now, my mind is taking over for a second. I need to be responsible. My heart will get its turn in there somewhere.
I still want to be involved.
That’s my dance family. ♡ I don’t want to say a goodbye.

I wish I had time for everything. But because time is so limited, it made me appreciate what I have at the moment.
I’m still gonna try and make everything work. Watch me.

28

August

3 notes

wickedclothes:

Wicked Clothes presents our latest item: the 'Floral Rib Cage' Shirt!

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25

August

6,009 notes

This photo was reblogged from wickedclothes and originally by wickedclothes.

I’ve learned more about myself this summer due to my trips, friends and family.

-Going to New York & Boston made me realize home is really where the heart is. I love the idea of traveling, but I could care less if I don’t have anyone to share it with. I wasn’t meant to travel alone and start my own new adventures…just yet. I aspire to share it with family, friend(s), or a significant other. I don’t see it as a bad thing. I’ve just made so many good connections. Why not keep it going?

-Even though, I’ve been single forever…I still realized I am just not mentally ready for it; to get back into being steady with anyone. Don’t get me wrong I’ve tried dating or getting to know someone. But something always holds me back. I’ve yet to figure out if I made excuses, or I just simply haven’t connected with anyone like that. Or maybe I still like him. Meh, either way I just haven’t been on the same page as anyone enough for me to want to pursue something serious. Besides, let me finish school in one more year. Then I’ll be ready to focus on something else besides school. Lol it doesn’t help that my relatives keep asking if I have a boyfriend yet. haha. I guess this is the age we start getting married and having babies. but oh lord, I am not to ready to be on that page right now. 

With family, I’ve noticed the relationship I have with them right now is not the best it could be. But I am trying to work on improving it. I need to change my habits of staying out too much to stay at home and better our connection. Friends are my family, but I can’t forget about my real family. I’m trying but sometimes I lose sight of what’s important. I try to remind myself though the real importance. 

I am just not ready for a lot of things and I guess I can admit that. Maybe this extra year of school will be what I need…to be able to enjoy youth, to enjoy the people I do have for the remainder of time I have in my college life. I know soon enough, my best friends will move away, they’ll get bigger jobs, they’ll move away. we all grow up. As of right now, I’m taking small steps, but they’re better than not taking any steps at all. I am definitely not grown up at all right now, but it’s all a process.

Right now, I have small goals and I can reach them. After I accomplish these, then I think I’ll be ready to set larger goals.

Just like Orange said, you can’t compare yourself to anyone else. everyone goes at their own pace, just gotta set your own personal standards.

What she said was a good reminder, and that’s exactly what I want to do to stay happy and productive.

Finish school and graduate, spend as much time as I can with my best friends before they move on with their lives, and improve my relationship with my family. 

I’m forever grateful for this life.

25

August

6 notes

Cam and Devin are my world.

I am so obsessed with this song. wanted to do choreo on it, then I saw hella other videos come out. ahah. I’ll try again

14

August

thecraziethewizard:

Collab w/ pvfotoby Jeremiah Probodanu

thecraziethewizard:

Collab w/ pvfoto
by Jeremiah Probodanu

14

August

1,168 notes

This photo was reblogged from lovestarrie and originally by thecraziethewizard.

observando:

Scandinavian Style

observando:

Scandinavian Style

14

August

1,082 notes

This photo was reblogged from observando and originally by mmmmminimalism.

calmaeu:

 

calmaeu:

 

(Source: winterfellis)

14

August

496,024 notes

This photo was reblogged from trustoneself and originally by winterfellis.