I’m overwhelmed with time. It really feels like there isn’t enough time to pursue numerous things. And I can understand with that comes the learning of patience and prioritizing, and especially sacrifice. But can a girl dream and aspire forever?
Last night made me almost cry. It was the realization that I had to make my decision by the first week of September like I said I would. That decision involved whether or not I would return to dance. And well I’ve mainly already made my decision. I can’t for right now. And internally I do still want to come back. But being an adult requires being more financially stable and being more connected with my family, so those are my main two goals. So I’m putting dance on hold. It’s just so damn hard when they are my family too and this is where my release is, my happiness is, my balance. I just didn’t want fear or comfortability to keep me in one place. And I decided dance was not gonna be my career either. With that said, I can understand that with risks and sacrifice it can help bring me to a new place in life to grow. And honestly it’s time for me to stop being a kid. I want to make my parents proud. I want to be financially independent so that I can give back and also fend for myself. I also need to rebuild a relationship with my family before I get to thirty and don’t have any memories with my family all because I’ve neglected them. Which I have done way too much. I can be honest with myself that I gave so much time to other people and friends that I forgot about having my own personal time and time with family. I think I had the epiphany the other day that I’ve neglected my family because we didn’t feel like one anymore, that I made my friends my family instead. Don’t get me wrong it’s not a completely horrible thing, but if something is broken, why not try fixing it before you replace it?
With time comes balance, I can hope for. I know most things can be temporary. But my fear of being stressed with this new busy schedule is already aggravating me. I want to make everything work. I really do.
Even Derek had made a point a while ago. He said it’s you, you make time for whatever you want to make time for. And that stuck in my mind, because it’s true. I have the willpower to choose what to do. But right now, my mind is taking over for a second. I need to be responsible. My heart will get its turn in there somewhere.
I still want to be involved.
That’s my dance family. ♡ I don’t want to say a goodbye.
I wish I had time for everything. But because time is so limited, it made me appreciate what I have at the moment.
I’m still gonna try and make everything work. Watch me.