This looks amazing
CHILDISH GAMBINO // Pop Thieves (Make it Feel Good)
Childish Gambino - Sober | S T N M T N / KAUAI
I’m always gonna be at a quarrel with my mother, to the point where I really don’t know what to do anymore
My brother and mother have opposing views compared to me. They tell me people outside are fake as fuck and that their polite words don’t amount to anything. Polite words don’t define someone as being nice. They believe that only family is the way to go to find support.
But where is the wrong in my friends? I don’t see anything wrong with having social support. I have found people who support me regardless. Granted I still believe people are selfish and still think of themselves and may betray you. But I have found people who have the heart to pick me up when I’m falling down. They can’t always pick me up and I understand, but the fact that they are willing to is all that matters to me.
But my mother has done everything for my life. She has given so much so that I could do what I could do. In another person’s eyes it’s almost like being spoiled.
Why do I have so much resentment towards her? Is it because I’ve compared myself to the American world and realized how much I couldn’t do? That I could never attend sleepovers, that I couldn’t stay out past a certain time. That the only reason why she called me every night when I was out was to make sure that I was safe? That sleepovers could put me in harm of potential rape?
Why couldn’t I realize that everything she did was to be protective of her child?
But why do I resent her for being so overprotective to the point I felt limited and deprived of freedom and independence?
That now I feel like I am not an adult of my own.
That my brother and my mother view me as someone who likes to put the blame on other people. That I don’t amount to my own actions.
I am so lost. My beliefs all seem so invalid. Who do I turn to? I would believe in myself, but I am at the point where I am lost, so I don’t have a sound view on anything anymore.
My family is against the world. But the world supports me. And I support my family. What the fuck do I believe in?
Some things you just have to accept about your mother I guess, is what Americans say. That maybe I should move out because of the turmoil that is being put on me from these arguments. But that sounds self-centered base. How can I be thinking about myself when the other person in the argument is also thinking about me? I can’t be selfish in this situation. AlI I can think of is how can we fix US?
At the same time, how do I stay afloat so that I am not destroying myself and losing my self-esteem?
I don’t wanna go any lower than where I’m at.
I feel like I could be resilient. I am always looking for answers, solutions, signs. whatever the fuck helps.
Or maybe I’m just making it more complicated than it should be?
I mean that’s what everyone is saying to me anyways. That i’m not “simple.” Just make it simple.
God, help me dig out of this fucking hole. I never meant to fall in.
But I never meant to be blinded by everything either.
Reality gave me a check.
But the check was in negative digits.
Missed Calls - Mac Miller
It had to have been a red light.
I must have not been paying attention.
I did something stupid, and there’s no more warnings.
This is something I will have to deal with.
I will be suspended.
I have to pay for my actions through these consequences.
This is gonna be a bitch, but i’m gonna deal with it.
I can do this. I can handle it.
It’s gonna suck so bad, but it’s all temporary.
I’m gonna try and make things work.
I’m gonna learn more attributes.
I need to grow up.
I’m gonna show through my actions.
I’m gonna do better.
No more stupid, foolish decisions.
And I will not beat myself up anymore. That will only deter me which has been shown.
I can do this.
I will do this.
You don’t need anyone in your life that makes you feel bad about yourself.
You can’t control anyone’s actions, but you can try to control the way you react or the way you feel about something.
You drive me insane, but for some reason every inch of my body desires you.